Saturday, December 31, 2011

Looking Back at 2011

Do you need a new year to make changes to your life? No. But I think the new year is a good time to start new things and break old habits. That's why I make resolutions. I've been doing it since high school. At th beginning of the year I make a list of things I want to accomplish, and I don't look at that list until the end of the year.

I just looked back at my resolutions for 2011, and even though I didn't accomplish everything on that list, I did accomplish a lot. It's interesting to see how much my priorities have changed since the beginning of the year.

Here's my list for 2011, and in bold are the things I accomplished:
1. Lose 10-15 pounds and do it in a healthy way
2. Make a final decision on graduate school (technically I can't make a final decision until I'm accepted, but I did narrow it down)
3. Donate blood more often
4. End every semester with at least a 3.5 GPA
5. Drink at least 6 cups of water a day (ideally 8)
6. Cut back on fast food to 2 times a month
7.Stick to a daily skin care regimen
8. Floss at least every other day

9. Exercise at least 3 times a week
10. Try new foods
11. Budget money every month
12. Cut down on how much I spend
13. Write every day (even if it's just a little)
14. Continue my Project 365 even after Day 365
15. Update my blogs more often
16. Drink responsibly (I had to add it in there)
17. Find (and start) an internship
18. Expand my music collection
19. Change the way I view my body & health
20. Throw away things I don't need anymore
21. Stop biting my nails

Stay tuned for posts about 2011 in review and my giant resolution for 2012!

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Day 5: Reflection

As this trip draws to a close, I'm taking time to reflect on this week. The highs and the lows. The lessons and the memories. Absolutely everything.

One of the biggest things I'll take away from this trip is the fact that there are still good people in the world. The people we met were so welcoming and appreciative of everything we were doing here. The people on this trip have such a passion for making a difference in this world. Not many people would take a week out of their winter break to volunteer. But we did. And we had a great time doing it.

I learned so much about the issues that affect Mississippi. I had no idea how much Mississippi was affected by Katrina, but learning about it was so eye-opening. Learning how educational inequality and poverty affected this area was evident in all of the volunteering we did. It made me want to do something. It sparked a light in me to help change the world.

I have so many amazing memories, and I never imagined how much fun I could have in five days. But in those same five days, I learned and grew. And I'm coming back to FGCU a better person. A more confident leader. A more appreciative individual. And a passion to make a difference.

I'm coming back with a new outlook on Mississippi and the South in general. I don't know where in this world I'll end up, but I hope my journeys bring me back here.

Alternative Fall Break 2011. Biloxi, Mississippi. It's been real.

Day 4: Rising Above

It's hard to believe that our last full day in Mississippi is over. This day was a perfect explanation of why I wanted to come on this trip.

Today we spent half of our day at the Boys and Girls Club working with kids on how to use Prezi and making origami. I started off with Prezi but switched to origami since I was having difficulty. The origami turned out to be just as difficult, but I got the hang of it after awhile. I was covered in glitter, but I loved spending time with the kids.

After lunch we went on a tour of Biloxi and Ocean Springs. We saw a lot of the Hurricane Katrina memorial and the sign used in the BP commercials. Back in Ocean Springs, we discovered the perfection of the donuts at The TatoNut Shop.

For dinner, we went to The Shed which has out of this world BBQ food. It's a really neat place...and it's impossible to describe. While we were there we played with some kids and talked to their parents about Katrina, among other things. We made s'mores and talked around the bonfire. It was an absolutely perfect way to end the day.

I learned a lot today, both about myself and others. While tackling the issues of poverty and educational inequality, I was reminded of how fortunate I am. These kids have big dreams, and some of them might not get to see those dreams because of their circumstances. I believe all of them have the power to do big things, and I hope they don't let their circumstances get in the way of their goals.

When we asked the kids what they asked for for Christmas, most ofthem said "nothing." These kids, who have so little, don't want anything because they said they have all they need. It was amazing to me how mature these kids were. The next time I say that I want something, I'm going to remind myself that I have everything that I need.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Day 3: Breaking Barriers

Sometimes I forget that Hurricane Katrina affected more than just New Orleans. Through this demolition project, I was constantly reminded of the reality that many gulf coast Mississippi residents face. It's been an eye opening experience...but also one full of rewards.

Today was full of pushing limits and breaking barriers. I did things I was good at and things I never imagined I could do. I swept dust off the floors, tore up wood floors, and hammered the crap out of wood panels. I took out my anger and frustrations, but proved to myself that I'm capable of much more than I think.

My high was taking a hammer and smacking the crap out of wood to break it from the beam. It was a thrilling experience...and the best stress reliever. My low was injuring my shoulder and realizing that I had to stop. I push myself in everything I do, but when it comes to my health I don't take risks. It was a setback, but I'm appreciative of everything that happened before that moment.

A local news station came today and filmed us on site, and it ended up on the local news in Biloxi (WLOX). It was a really cool experience and unlike anything that's ever happened to me.  While watching the news later that night, we saw ourselves on TV...and there is even a segment of me hammering wood panels :)

At the beginning of the day, one of the owners of the house came over to us and we all gave her a group hug. At the end, I heard her say, "thanks, I needed that." It reminded me why we were here. It's not simply to tear down a house so they can build a new one. It's to make a difference in the lives of people. We're here for the people...and the experience too.

Monday, December 19, 2011

Day 2: Demolition and Hope

Imagine asking a nonprofit to help re-build your house after it was damaged by Hurricane Katrina. Imagine that when they come to your house to see what needs to be done, they find more problems than just the roof. Imagine hearing that your WHOLE house needs to be torn down and re-built.

This is the scenario of an older couple in Gulfport, MS. The Hope Community Development Agency is working to tear down and re-build their house. Today we worked on the demolition.

When we got to the site, we were all given various tasks - move wood to the dumpster, tear up the flooring, remove shingles from the roof, knock down walls, sweeping away dust, sawing wood, and the list goes on. We worked for hours and hours doing tedious, yet super important, tasks. And at the end of the day, we got to do one of the biggest tasks- physically knock down the building with our bare hands. We started with the frame of a house and ended with a pile of wood.

I felt kind of like a brat today. While I was sitting there complaining about my back hurting and having a few splinters, it made me realize that the couple whose house we were tearing apart had nothing. They thought they were getting a simple roof repair, but instead they were having their house knocked down and re-built.

I've been so blessed to have the things I do. And the next time I complain about not not getting something that I want, I'll remind myself that I have everything I need. And I'll remind myself of this couple that has nothing. But they still have hope. Through adversity, they have hope that one day they will have their home back. Because like I was told today, there's no place like home.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

First day in Mississippi

Today I, along with 21 other FGCU students, headed to Biloxi, Mississippi for alternative fall break. On this trip we will be addressing issues such as disaster recovery, poverty, and educational inequality.

We left at midnight and got to Mississippi at 11:15am local time (12:15pm Florida time). When we arrived we took a tour of Camp Victor, the place we'll be staying for the week.

After getting settled, we went to lunch for our first taste of the local cuisine the food was incredible and the people were so helpful. Then we did ice breakers and introductions, took naps, then headed on a journey to find the beach.

On this trip we got lost a few times and truly learned how nice the people of Mississippi are. Local residents helped us find our way and took time to talk to us. The encounter we had on the way back to Camp Victor is one I will remember for a long time.

He was walking into his house and asked us where we were from and why we were here. We answered and explained that we were building houses for Hurricane Katrina victims. He ran into his house and brought out a small box. He explained that he was here during the hurricane and is constantly amazed by how people keep coming and coming to help. The box of chocolate was his way of saying thank you to us for helping.

It was truly a heartwarming experience and one I will remember throughout this trip and when I head back to Florida. THIS is why we are here. To make a difference. To give back. To inspire change in this world.

Friday, December 16, 2011

I'm 22!

Happy birthday to me!!!!

Thank you everyone for the birthday wishes! It's been an amazing day so far, and it's only going to get better.  Twenty-two isn't so bad <3

Expect some major blog updates coming soon.  I leave for Biloxi, MS tomorrow for alternative break, and I'll be posting about my experiences on the trip.  Thank goodness for the Blogger app on my iPhone.

Keep Calm and Party On!

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Dear Inspired Reader

Dear Inspired Reader,

I have no idea who you are, where you live, or how long you've been reading my blog.  But I want to say a huge THANK YOU for my letter and presents.

Last Wednesday, when I arrived at the last day of my internship, I saw an envelope on my desk.  When I saw it was for me, I thought two things.  (1) I never receive mail here, and (2) this must be some sort of joke.  But I opened the envelope and read the beautiful letter inside.

I had no idea that anyone even read my blogs...and never in a million years could I have imagined I'd be an inspiration to someone out there.  Your letter means the world to me, and I read it every day as a reminder that I'm doing something right in this world.  I will write more about my weight loss journey...especially since I'm going to be kicking things up a notch very soon.  I hope you will comment on my posts letting me know how your journey is going too.

Inspired Reader....YOU inspire me <3

xoxo, Christina

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Grad School War

With all but one of my grad school applications in, I have a lot to think about.  How will I afford these schools?  Where will I live?  Am I ready for all that grad school brings?  But most importantly...where do I really want to go?

This is where I'm torn.  I have my top four (4) schools, and they are divided by two categories: college football and city life.

As I sit here during rivalry weekend in college football, I want nothing more than to have this experience.  I want the experience of going to one of these games and cheering for my school.  FGCU couldn't give me this experience.  And while I know that grad school requires me to "grow up," I still really want to be able to have the football season experience.

On the other hand, I would love to move to a big city.  Both of my parents went to school in New York City, and I would love to have a similar experience as them.  I would love to take the subway/metro to get to campus.  I would love to walk out of a college building and step into the streets of one of the nation's biggest cities.  I would love to have opportunities at my fingertips.

So what is it?  Florida State or Alabama?  Georgetown or NYU?  Or will I end up at one of my back up schools...USF or FIU?

I guess only time and tears will tell.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Why I Hate Christmas Music

Okay, so before you call me Scrooge or some other terrible name, you should know that I don't actually hate Christmas music itself.  I hate Christmas music when it's played out of season.

We all know that stores put out holiday decorations a little too soon.  For example, Halloween decorations are out at the beginning of September, and Christmas decorations are out the day after Halloween.

This in itself bugs the heck out of me, but what bothers me more is when Christmas music is played out of season.  So what's season you ask?  Black Friday to the end of December.

The other day I was in Bath and Body Works and they were playing Christmas music.  I couldn't stand it.  I had to leave.  All I could think was, "It's not even Thanksgiving yet!!  You're playing Christmas music and your fall scents are already on clearance."  Maybe it's just me, but I have a huge problem with that picture.

Justin Bieber released his Christmas album last month and Glee just released their Christmas album on Tuesday.  I'm sorry, but Christmas isn't until December 25th.

I guess it bothers me so much because we're practically skipping over Thanksgiving.  I know there are no Thanksgiving albums out there, but it's the fact of the matter.  Thanksgiving deserves to have it's time.  And the day after Thanksgiving, we can all begin to focus on Christmas.

Since people usually forget my birthday because of Christmas, I know what it's like to be Thanksgiving. I know what it's like to be forgotten about for something "more important."

On the bright side, only one more week until it's Christmas music season!

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Two weeks until the end

Two weeks from today will be my last day at my internship.  It's an incredibly bittersweet moment, and I've never been so sad for something to end.

Four months ago, I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to do after graduation.  I still don't, but I have a better clue.  I'm more sure of myself and my future.  I have a sense of where I want to be five and ten years from now.  I can actually see myself in the field of public relations.

When I started my internship back in August, I didn't have any expectations.  I was desperate and needed an internship.  But interning at a PR agency was my dream.  Never for a second did I think it would be a reality for me.

I didn't have a typical PR internship experience.  I never wrote a press release or worked directly with the media.  I never wrote PSAs for a nonprofit or coordinated an event.  But the experience I had was unique, different, and life changing.  I wrote blogs and scheduled tweets.  I updated content schedules and Facebook pages.  I created paper.lis and

There were days where I got so mad at myself because I felt like I couldn't do a single thing right.  There were days where I wondered if I was cut out for this.  There were days when I took way too long to complete a task.  But there were days when I walked in and was told, "You did a great job."  There were days when tasks finally got accomplished.  Moments like that made it all worth it.  It made me realize that though I was nervous about the work I was doing, it was paying off.  It wasn't perfect, but people were happy.  Clients were happy.  That made me happy.

I can't even begin to list all of the things I've learned.  This internship has taught me far more than any of my classes have.  My time at Pushing the Envelope has been incredible, and I truly have nothing to complain about.

I'm going to take these next two weeks to be the best intern I can possibly be.  I'm going to push myself a little harder, work a little longer, and enjoy the time I have left with my co-workers.  The experience would not have been the same without them.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

My second family

Chi Omega, Pi Mu chapter
Family #88
Dinosaur Family
"Sisterhood is many things. It's a warn smile on a cold and rainy day, a friendly hug, a cheerful hello... It's all that a good and lasting friendship is, only better. It's treasured. It's sacred. It's knowing that there will always be someone there for you. It's dreams shared, and goals achieved. It's counting on others and being counted on. It is real."

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Senior Year = OWNED

I'm halfway through the fall semester...aka: I'm one-quarter of the way through senior year.  Over the summer, I constantly said, "this is going to be the best year ever!"  But I say that every year, so I had no real expectations.


Last year, I went to Fort Lauderdale once or twice a month for the simple fact that I had nothing better to do.  I haven't gone there once all year since I'm doing something with friends every single weekend.  Every weekend.  That's unheard of for me.

So what have I been up to?  You'd be surprised:
August 26-28: Pre-recruitment festivities
September 2-4: Recruitment
September 9-11: T-shirt parties with PC 11
September 16-18: DayGlow
September 23-25: Ale Mary's
Sept. 30-Oct. 2: Key West
October 7-9: Ashley's birthday
October 14-16: Zombicon
October 21-23: Kaitlyn's 21st birthday, FGCU Family Weekend

October 28-30: Oktoberfest
November 4-6: Sanibel Island Writers Conference
November 11-13: World of Beer
November 18-20: World Championship of Sand Sculpting
November 25-27: Black Friday shopping!
December 2-4: Cruise
December 9-11: Jingle Ball

My weekends have been so crazy that the last time I checked into foursquare it told me I've been at bars for four (4) straight weeks.  It's kind of embarrassing...yet cool.  Alcoholic much?

I have big plans for the next few months: Oktoberfest, Halloween parties, Sanibel Island Writers Conference, a cruise, my birthday, and tons of spur-of-the-moment plans. I'm on the road to having the best year ever.

Watch out senior year.  You're about to be owned.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Like Mah Status

Loyal blog readers.  You need to watch this.  I promise it will make your day.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Grad school or bust

The Bachelor's degree is losing its value.

Reality is telling me that I have to go to grad school.  It's practically the only option these days.  But the rest of me is telling me something different.  I don't know what's holding me back from applying.  Maybe it's the money issue or that I haven't found the right program or that I don't know what I want to do with my life.  Maybe it's all of the above.  I don't know.

But right now, I don't know if I want to go to grad school.

It just sucks to know that that's not even an option.

The Bachelor's degree is losing its value.  I have to go to grad school and get my Master's Degree.

I just have to.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

What a week!

Anna Callaway (our NC) in the middle! Love her <3
Sorority recruitment has come to a close, and it's been such an insane (and incredible) week.  Having TWO members of our governing council at our chapter this week is a huge honor, and I feel so lucky to have met them.  In addition, our National Consultant, Anna, has been an amazing asset to our chapter this week.  She's boosted the morale of our chapter and has been an amazing help to the recruitment team.  She defines what it means to be a sister for life.  Though she may be leaving us, I won't forget this amazing week we've spent together.  Anna Callaway, Joellyn Sullivan, and Jane Tankersley- thank you so much for everything this week.  Words cannot begin to describe what you've done for our chapter.  My last recruitment (though I was on the recruitment team) was the most memorable of them all because YOU THREE were here.

I am a Jersey girl.
I am an over-achiever.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

The Self-Injury Reality

I can't take ownership of this.  It's not mine.  But as someone who dealt with self-injury, depression, anxiety, and eating disorders throughout middle and high school, this hit home to me.  And I felt like I had to post it on my blog to share with everyone.

Forty-one percent (41%) of people believe that self-harm is selfish. Fifty-five percent (55%) believe that it is stupid. Forty-three percent (43%) know someone that has self-harmed. One in ten people have harmed by the age of sixteen.Self-harm does not make you suicidal. It does not make you emo. It is simply a way that many use to rid themselves of stress or pain or whatever it may be. Over 3 million people in the US have self-harmed or still do.Cutting is notjust a girl’s disorder. Anyone can do it. Males, females, and persons that don’t fit into the gender binary. And it is not just teens, either. Both Princess Diana and Johnny Depp have gone through it. The person who always seems happy could be victim to it. Anyone.

There are other forms of self-harm besides cutting or mutilation. There’s CSP; a disorder where you’ll pick at your skin, bite your skin, bite your nails, or pull out hair, usually when you’re bored or due to perfectionism. There’s also burning yourself, and other things that could cause injury such as hitting yourself or other objects.
Some people don’t realize they’re doing it. Some people don’t think it’s wrong. Some people become addicted. People don’t hide their cuts or marks hoping someone will find them unless they actuallywant help to get better. It’s often hidden because they’re afraid of someone seeing. People don’t show off their scars because they’re cool. They’re just there. And there’s no point in hiding them. Often people become proud of their scars because they know they’re past it.
An orange ribbon is used as a self-harm awareness symbol. Those suffering from it or have been through it or support it often wear one. To Write Love On Her Arms is amazing for what they do. They help people get past their self-harm or addictions or suicidal thoughts. Many people don’t support TWLOHA, but I think it’s an amazing cause.
You do not have to have gone through anything like this to support it. Sometimes all people want to know is that they’re not alone. Don’t judge someone based on the marks they have on their arms. You don’t know what they’ve been through. Rather, be proud of them for making through it. Life can be a bitch.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Even the best fall down sometimes

Everyone has their breaking point.  The point where they crumble and fall apart.  The point where they throw up their hands and say, "I'm done."

These past few days have been absolutely perfect.  For once, everything was right in the world.

I should've known it wouldn't last.

Friday, August 5, 2011

New tattoo?

I got my first tattoo on May 2, 2008, and I've been dying to get another one.  But here's my thing: if I think I want a design, I wait at least 6-12 months before going to get it done.  Why?  So I know it's what I want to get.  That way there will be no regrets.

Needless to say, I have yet to get a second tattoo.  For the past 5-6 months, I've had a word stuck in my head: fearless.  Yes it's a Taylor Swift album (which I love!), but it's also been stuck in my head for another reason.

As I embark on this journey out of college and into the real world, grad school, etc., I keep telling myself that I need to be fearless.  I need to face reality and face my fears.  I need to do the things that scare me.  I need to take chances, fail, get back up, and do it all over again.

Basically, this quote from T-Swift (along with a few others) sums up how I interpret the word "fearless":
"To me, Fearless is not the absence of fear.  It's not being completely unafraid.  To me, Fearless is having fears.  Fearless is having doubts.  Lots of them.  To me, Fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death."

So maybe, just maybe, the word "fearless" on my right shoulder will be my next tattoo.  The question is, which design do you like the most?  I want input.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Top 10 Most Influential Albums

I posted this two years ago in a note on Facebook and decided to re-visit it to see how things have changed (or stayed the same.

Think of 10 albums that had such a profound effect on you they changed your life.  Dug into your soul.  Music that brought you to life when you heard it.  Royally affected you, kicked you in the wasu (wazoo?), literally socked you in the guy, is what I mean.

Go ahead.  Try it.

So here's my list as of August 3, 2011 (in no particular order) <3

1. Let it Be by The Beatles
2. Speak Now by Taylor Swift
3. Teenage Dream by Katy Perry
4. The Open Door by Evanescence
5. Revolution by Miranda Lambert
6. Continuum by John Mayer
7. Blackbird by Alter Bridge
8. Across the Universe Soundtrack
9. Unstoppable by Rascal Flatts
10. Fire Garden by Steve Vai

Thursday, July 28, 2011


Today I landed my dream internship at Pushing the Envelope, Inc.  A good friend of mine interned there last semester and said so many amazing things about the firm and the owner.  So when I saw that they were  looking for an intern, I had to apply!

Two days later, I interviewed and found out I got the internship!!  I'll be focusing on social media while the other intern will be focusing more on the traditional PR.  I'm super excited about this opportunity and where it will lead.

I can't wait to start!!

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

It's a funny thing

There's this thing that happens when you start taking life seriously.

You realize that you have the power to go places and do bigger and better things.  You realize that where you are now isn't really the peak of your journey, it's just the beginning.

And you begin to realize that maybe, just maybe, everything will work out.  Probably not the way you had hoped.  But it will work out.

It's a funny thing, really.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

I feel like I'm 17 again

Tonight, ABC Family premiered its new original movie, Cyberbully.

Watching the movie brought back so many feelings for me.  It's no secret that I was bullied in middle school and most of high school, and cyberbullying was definitely part of that.

But the part of the movie that hit the hardest was when she had her big emotional breakdown after seeing the video.  Right after that, she posted a video online as a cry for help.  Then she tried to kill herself.

I had a moment like that too.  One moment that pushed me so far that I couldn't take it.  And while I didn't post a video online, I did post a cry for help through a bulletin on Myspace.  And then I too tried to take my own life.

Watching Taylor, played by Emily Osment, break down like that literally brought me back to that moment of helplessness.  I felt like I was 17 again and the whirlwind of emotions hit me so hard.  I started shaking while watching it.

I'm still feeling the aftermath of this rush of emotions.  To be honest, all I want to do is cry.  It seems so silly when I write it down.  But being reminded of these strong emotions is hard.  I haven't gone back to "that place" in three years.  I seem to avoid talking about it.  And now that I'm being forced to face it...I really don't know what to do.

Maybe I'm not really "better." Maybe I still have so much to confront.  I'm starting to think I let an amazing opportunity slip by after I attempted suicide in 2007.  I think I made a big mistake.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Rest in Peace, Joel Johnson

Today we are reminded that life is far too short.  We are reminded to love a little more and laugh a little louder.  We are reminded that it's the little things in life that mean the most. 

Joel, you never failed to make me laugh.  Thanks for always sticking up for me and for being a true friend. I'm sad to know you are gone, but I can smile knowing that I have another guardian angel.

Rest in peace, Joel Johnson

Friday, June 10, 2011

Bucket List #102

#102. Drive without a destination in mind

After getting tickets to the New Cats of Country concert, I drove. Drove with no destination. And it brought me some peace and clarity.

Monday, June 6, 2011

Speak Now World Tour 2011

I had the chance to Speak Now on June 3, 2011.

Taylor Swift's concert was by far the best I've ever been to.  The music, the sets, the was insane.  And to think she does this all by herself.  Wow.

"I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you..."

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

The Voice

The Voice has quickly become one of my new favorite shows.  I have a lot of favorites on the show, but Javier Colon's voice melts my heart every time.  Team Javier!! <3

Monday, May 16, 2011

Summer To-Do List

This is my last summer as an undergrad (wahhhh!), and there are TONS of things I need to get done this summer.  So I decided to make a list of everything I want to accomplish.  And because I love all things social media, I had to post it in a blog.

Summer To-Do List
- Re-paint my bathroom
- Hang up pictures in my room
- Clean out my entire room & bathroom
- Take a nice summer trip
- Accomplish your Oasis of the Seas bucket list
- Cross one thing off your bucket list each month
- Study for the GRE 3+ times a week
- Take the GRE and ROCK IT!!
- Pick out the five (5) grad schools you'll apply to
- Start applying to grad school
- Make a "Dinosaur Family fact book"
- Make time for friends at least once a week
- Go to a concert
- Stay on top of homework for my summer class
- Finish my summer class with a B or higher

** I'll be adding more as I think of more things I want to accomplish! **

Sunday, May 8, 2011

May 7, 2007

I don't think I ever consciously made the decision to stop cutting.  I think it just happened.

One day I cut myself.  The next day I didn't.  And the day after that I didn't.  After a month of not cutting, I decided that day was it.  There wouldn't just be "one more time."  The last time I cut would just be my last. And from that day forward I did everything in my power to not cut.  Four years later, I'm still cut-free.

I don't know why it worked that time and not the others.  All the other times I had a plan.  But maybe I didn't need a plan.  Maybe I just needed the drive.

I guess I just got tired of being miserable despite how terrified I was of being happy and enjoying my life.  For three years, I was okay with being miserable.  I was content in that lifestyle.  But eventually that feeling changed.  I wasn't just sick of hurting everyone around me.  Finally, I was sick of hurting myself.

I look back at my journal from four years ago and can't believe how depressed I really was.  The cutting, depression, anxiety, and eating disorder were ruining my life.  And it showed in everything I did.  I look back at that journal sometimes to remind myself of where I've been.  To remind myself that I never want to go back.  To remind myself that there are brighter days ahead.

May 7, 2007.  The day that changed my life forever.  Here's to four years of not cutting and being happier than ever.

Every journey starts with a step...or in my case, a leap.  I'm glad I made that leap and picked myself up along the way.

It wasn't easy.  But it was damn worth it.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Osama Bin Laden dead

People are outside the White House waving the American flag and singing the National Anthem. This is seriously one of the most amazing moments of my life. I wish I was in DC to experience this. But experiencing this from home is pretty amazing too. Watching social media sites blow up is insane.

This is a historic moment. Osama Bin Laden, the mastermind behind 9/11, was found dead It's truly great to be an American.

Saturday, April 30, 2011

Project 365 Update

Only 1 more day until the end of my Project 365.  It's been a crazy experience, and I'll definitely be doing a reflection post on my Project 365 blog.  I thought I'd take the time now to reveal what's in store for the next 365 days.

Since I had such a blast with this Project 365, I've decided to continue on with the project.  I will continue on with the numbers (Day 366, 367, etc.)  For these next 365 days, I've decided to add something to the mix.  There are three things I want in every post.

1. A picture of my day (like I've been doing).
2. Something I learned that day.  (It can be something from class or a general life lesson).
3. A picture that shows off my photography.  (I'll admit I'm not the very best photographer.  But the only way to get better is to practice.  So I'm going to use my Nikon to take pictures every day...whether it be of a person, nature, a frame I create, etc.)

I want to use this next year to become a better photographer and use new techniques.  You learn by practicing, so that's what I'm going to do.  I hope that at the end of next year I can see an improvement in my photography.  I'm sure this is going to be hard at first, and I have no doubt that some days will probably be missing pictures due to logistics/travel.  But I'm going to try and make it work the best that I can.

I'm excited for what the future holds.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Is honesty the best policy?

I find myself drifting back to my old ways.  I find myself fighting the urge to starve myself or restrict what I eat.  I find myself fighting the desire to cut again.  It's funny because this is the happiest I've ever been.  My life is beyond amazing, and I truly couldn't be happier.  So, I'm honestly confused as to why I feel this way.  Maybe this time it's not that I'm unhappy with my life but rather that I'm unhappy with myself. 

Lately, I've been feeling like I'm not good enough.  I've been doubting the faith that everyone has in me.  I've been feeling like maybe my best isn't good enough.  Maybe I'm not cut out to do this.  And by "this" I mean Senate Secretary, find an internship, and figure out what I want to do with my life.  Lately, I've been filled with self-doubt despite all of the amazing things going on around me.

I've also been having flashbacks to being raped which has never happened before.  It's probably my trigger for all of these feelings.  I've always resisted help with these issues because I never thought that anyone could possibly understand.  I still feel that way, but I'm starting to think that I need help dealing with this.  I don't want to end up where I was.  So maybe this time I won't be so stubborn.  Maybe this time I'll ask for help.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

I'm flawed.

I’m a terrible liar, and therefore I’m always honest.  It always seems to get me in trouble.  I always put others before myself, and I have a hard time doing things for myself.  But on the rare occasion that I do, I’m seen as selfish.  I do things for people without motive or the expectation of being thanked.  I have a terrible time at telling people how I feel…which is why pretty much all of my relationships have failed.  I don’t let many people into my life because I’m afraid they’ll be like “all the others.”   I’m ready for a real relationship but I’m afraid I’ll never find “the one.”  Actually, I’m afraid that I had that person but messed things up.  I have a painful past, and I'm who I am today because of what I went through.  I’m emotional and wear my heart on my sleeve.  People never have to ask how I’m feeling because they just know.  I overanalyze situations and replay conversations in my head hoping that somehow they’ll go differently.  I’m humble.  I don’t realize how successful I actually am.  I’m not as confident as I should be. 

I’m flawed, but at least I’m real.

My life's philosophy

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Best and Worst Advice

Last week, I received the best and worst advice of my college career: Don't get a Master's degree in public relations.

With the job market being extremely tough, there are 12,000 people looking for a job for every one position.  During these difficult times, it's important for applicants to diversify themselves.  Basically, applicants need to be able to do more than one thing.  They need to have experiences in a wide range of areas.  Not only will they be better qualified for a job in their "top choice" career, but they'll have a back-up plan.

Getting a BA in Communication/PR AND a Master's in PR wouldn't do anything for my career.  So it's important for me to look elsewhere.

Why it's the worst advice: I've spent all year searching for Master's programs in public relations, and I've finally picked my "top 5."  I've fallen in love with all of these schools, and I would have been happy going to any of them.  These schools are the best of the best and their grad programs are just what I'm looking for.  The schools? New York University, George Washington University, University of Houston, University of Alabama, and University of Miami.

Why it's the best advice: At least I learned it now before it's too late.  Plus, getting a degree in Advertising or Journalism will help me to diversify myself so I'll have many different qualifications.  It's giving me more options in my internships and in my future.

I'm not going to lie: I'm bummed out.  I'm starting again at square one.  But at least it will be a bonus for my future.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

FGCU Takes the Walk

If you were on campus last Tuesday, April 5th, I'm sure you saw hundreds of students walking barefoot all over campus.  And I'm sure many of you were thinking, "why?" 

Here's why: Tuesday April 5th was TOMS Shoes' One Day Without Shoes event where people went barefoot for one day in order to raise awareness for those who don't have the choice whether they want to wear shoes or not.

The FGCU TOMS Campus Club and Rotaract had planned to host "FGCU Takes the Walk" where students would take a walk around campus with no shoes.  Unfortunately due to the severe weather, they had to cancel the walk.

Good news Eagles: they're bringing it back.

Today, April 12th, students will have the opportunity to take the walk yet again.  But this time it's bigger and better.  Registration for the walk begins at 2pm and the walk begins at 2:30.  And of course, S-Jayy will be back to perform again starting at 12:30.

So come out to the library lawn and take the one-mile barefoot walk to take action against extreme poverty in Soweto, South Africa.

I'll be there. Will you?

100 Day Photo Challenge: Day 5

Day 5: A picture of your favorite memory

I don't exactly have a favorite memory since I've had some pretty amazing memories, but one of them would be going to Europe after graduating high school.  It was life-changing and eye-opening experience and reminded me how much I love to travel.  I've added so many things to my bucket list because of this trip, and I'm so grateful to have had an experience like this.  Plus, I had an absolute BLAST in Germany, Austria, Switzerland, Italy, France, and England!!!

Sunday, April 10, 2011

100 Day Photo Challenge: Day 4

Day 4: A picture of yourself and a family member
My dad and me in Nassau during my 21st birthday cruise :)

Saturday, April 9, 2011

100 Day Photo Challenge: Day 3

Day 3: A picture of the cast from your favorite show

House = best show ever.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

April 5th = Perfect!

Yesterday, April 5th, was beyond perfect. I'm sure you're wondering why.  Well, here's why:

- Chi Omega Founders Day! Keeping it classy for 116 years <3
- I got a 100% on my AP Style & Grammar exam
- I got to spend time with my Big!
- I spent time bonding with my sisters at the Chili Con Chi-O table.
- I copied my first agendas (with supervision) & learned to use the recorder
- I got a 100% on my Death & Dying paper
- I'm the new Senate Secretary!!!!
- I went to Applebee's with my SG family :)
- Tony bought me a drink
- I smiled all day :)

Seriously, yesterday was beyond amazing. It's days like this that remind me that I am surrounded by the most amazing people.  I know it's cliche, but I love my life and wouldn't want it any other way.  I couldn't be much happier <3

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Me...Senate Secretary?!

I am beyond honored and excited to serve as the 2011-2012 Senate Secretary.

It seems like just yesterday when I was starting Leadership Development and trying to figure out where I wanted to go and what I wanted to do.  It seems like just yesterday that I attended my first Senate meeting.  I sat next to Jenn in the front because she's my mentor :) It really feels like yesterday that I was interviewing for Senate seats...constantly being told "no." It feels like just yesterday when I was finally told "yes."

The road to Senate was hard.  But staying here was harder.  They're not kidding when they say elections are FGCU's biggest popularity contest.  It's weird to think that I won...twice.

And now to say that I'm Senate Secretary is beyond crazy for me.  It's still not real.  Those few minutes standing outside was the longest few minutes of my life.  All I could think was, "What if they're not standing when I walk in?" But there they all were...standing and clapping.  It's unreal for me.

I know I'm going to make mistakes, but I'm going to try my damn hardest to be the best Senate Secretary.  I want people to look back and say, "She did an amazing job."  I want to step out of the box and do things that no one else is done.  Honestly, I just want to be the best secretary I can be.

Senate Secretary Bockisch....I can get used to that :)

Friday, April 1, 2011

100 Day Photo Challenge: Day 2

A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest.

Me and my amazing sister Alyssa in Central Park :)

Thursday, March 31, 2011

100 Day Photo Challenge: Day 1

Day 1: A picture of yourself with 10 facts

100 Day Photo Challenge

I'm actually going to do this one ;)

100 Day Photo Challenge
Day 01 - A picture of yourself with ten facts
Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest
Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show
Day 04 - A picture of yourself and a family member
Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory
Day 06 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day
Day 07 - A picture that makes you laugh
Day 08 - A picture of your most treasured item
Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most
Day 10 - A picture of someone you do the craziest things with
Day 11 - A picture of something you hate
Day 12 - A picture of something you love
Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist
Day 14 - A picutre of your favourite store
Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die
Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you
Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently
Day 18 - A picture of the sexiest Woman alive
Day 19 - A picutre of something you love to do.
Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel
Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget
Day 22 - A picture of something you never leave the house without
Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book
Day 24 - A picture of someone you miss
Day 25 - A picture of you from last year
Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you
Day 27 - A picture of your favorite night
Day 28 - A picture of your favorite place in the world
Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile
Day 30 - A picture of your favorite quote
Day 31 - A picture of food you made
Day 32 - A picture of what you did today
Day 33 - A picture of somewhere you went today
Day 34 - A picture of your favorite morning
Day 35 - A picture of your hometown
Day 36 - A picture of your pet
Day 37 - A picture taken at school
Day 38 - A picture of your favorite drink
Day 39 - A picture of your favorite food
Day 40 - A picture of your friends
Day 41 - A picture of your favorite weather
Day 42 - A picture of you listening to music
Day 43 - A picture of you celebrating
Day 44 - A picture that describes your life
Day 45 - A picture of your favorite cartoon character
Day 46 - A picture that you edited
Day 47 - A picture of your favorite animal
Day 48 - A picture of you more than 10 years ago
Day 49 - A picture of you and your best friend(s)
Day 50 - A picture of yourself
Day 51 - A picture of you wearing sunglasses
Day 52 - A picture of you dressed up
Day 53 - A picture of you in a car
Day 54 - A picture of you on your last vacation
Day 55 - A picture of you with a date
Day 56 - A picture of you all bundled up
Day 57 - A picture of you in your backyard
Day 58 - A picture of your hair all done
Day 59 - A picture of you at prom
Day 60 - A picture of you at a sports game
Day 61 - A picture of you in the fall
Day 62 - A picture of you on a ride
Day 63 - A picture of luggage
Day 64 - A picture of you at work
Day 65 - A picture of you at a park
Day 66 - A picture of you in the air
Day 66 - A picture of you doing something childish
Day 67 - A picture of you falling
Day 68 - A picture of you outside
Day 69 - A picture of a crazy night out
Day 70 - A picture of someone you don't go a day without talking to
Day 71 - A picture of you with people you work with
Day 72 - A picture of you with unbelievable scenary
Day 73 - A picture of you somewhere warm
Day 74 - A picture taken professionally
Day 75 - A picture of you receiving a reward
Day 76 - A picture of you drinking something
Day 77 - A picture of you and friends making silly faces
Day 78 - A picture of you in the dark
Day 79 - A picture of you in the water
Day 80 - A picture of you and someone you love being silly
Day 81 - A picture of you with a character
Day 82 - A picture of someone you love asleep
Day 83 - A picture of you and a teammate
Day 84 - A picture of a school project
Day 85 - A picture of your favorite holiday
Day 86 - A picture of someone who helps you with school
Day 87 - A picture of someone you grew up with
Day 88 - A picture of your dream car
Day 89 - A picture of you at a hotel
Day 90 - A picture of you wearing your favorite color
Day 91 - A picture of you and your friends playing a game
Day 92 - A picture of your school
Day 93 - A picture of your favorite board game
Day 94 - A picture of you and your friends eating
Day 95 - A picture of you on a plane
Day 96 - A picture of your favorite movie
Day 97 - A picture of something you no longer have
Day 98 - A picture of you and your friends out somewhere
Day 99 - A picture that was first on your facebook.
Day 100 - A picture of you smiling.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Now that's a focused eagle!

I can't believe that I got re-elected into Senate!! I'm so honored and proud to serve the College of Arts & Sciences and the Student Body yet again!

It's a bittersweet win since Jordan & Cody didn't win and neither did most of our Senatorial candidates.  But I am so proud of how hard everybody worked.  The passion the Eagle Party had during the elections is inspiring.  They all make me want to work harder and be a better person and Senator.  At the end of the day, I'm proud to have been part of the Eagle Party.

Congrats to Lauren & Justin for being our president-elect and vice president-elect!!!  And congratulations to everyone who got elected.  It was an amazing election season.  I'm sad that this is my last election as a participant, but it was an amazing two weeks and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Nature Trails!

Remember how I went to the nature trails for Colloquium and said I'd probably make a trip back this year?  Well, I finally made that trip back....but not willingly.

Today in Nature Writing we met at the nature trails, and all I could think was that it was going to be a repeat of Colloquium.  Turns out, it wasn't so bad.

We got to explore on our own and didn't have to trek through the water and mud.  Thank goodness because I wouldn't have done it even if I had to.  I spent some time exploring and found the trail that we went through in Colloquim.  If I didn't have places to be tonight, I probably would have walked through the water and mud (no shoes this time).  It was definitely a lot of fun...until I started getting bit by bugs.  They were everywhere.  I'm still itchy.  Wahhhh.

But seriously, it wasn't that bad.  I psyched myself out for nothing.  I'm secretly hoping we get to go back there again before the end of the semester :)

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Another concert :)

Guess who has 2 thumbs, is a Chi Omega, and is going to see Miranda Lambert on April 14th...


Monday, January 10, 2011

Classes again?!

Today was the first day of spring 2011 classes.  (1) I can't believe it's 2011 already, and (2) I can't believe winter break is over!  I feel like it was just starting.

I've only had 3 of my 5 classes, but I'm already hopeful about this semester.  The classes are definitely going to be tough, but I feel like I'm better prepared to handle them.  I definitely want to keep up with all my work and not fall behind.  Basically, I need to stop procrastinating.  I also want to try and get ahead whenever possible.  I have the unique opportunity to get some assignments out of the way ahead of time, and I want to try to take advantage of that.  Things get really hectic at times between Chi Omega and Student Government, so if I can stay on top of things and possibly even get ahead, I think I'll be okay.

I'm really excited about most (if not all) of my classes this semester.  I'm really excited about Intro to Nature Writing because we get to go outside!!!  I used to despise nature, but since taking Colloquium, I've learned to love it.  Plus, the weather will be BEAUTIFUL since it's winter (my favorite season).  I absolutely love writing outside, and a lot of my best work happens outdoors.

I'm also taking a class called Issues in Culture & Society: Death & Dying.  Everyone keeps saying, "death and dying? that's so morbid!"  I have an odd fascination with death, so I'm excited for the class.  But after hearing the professor talk today, I'm beginning to realize the class is going to be just as much about life as it is about death.  Overall, I'm probably most excited about this class (but I'm not excited about all the reading we have to do).

As for Interracial/Intercultural Communication, I feel like it's going to be an insightful course.  From what I heard, you learn a lot about yourself and your personal views regarding culture.  You learn things that you never realized about yourself.  I feel like a lot of really interesting material is going to be presented.

Now that I've just put you to sleep with my rant about classes, I should let you know that you can expect another one tomorrow!!! So get excited for that :)

p.s. I created a tumblr account and I think you should check it out and follow it if you have a tumblr! Here's the link:

Monday, January 3, 2011

My Bucket List

I spent the last few days revising my bucket list. I made it back in high school and some of the things were beyond ridiculous ("jump off the brooklyn bridge and live"...come on!!). I looked at other people's bucket lists to get some inspirations. It's definitely not done, but it's a start.

So here it is, MY BUCKET LIST!

  1. Visit the original Hard Rock Café in London
  2. Go to a concert in each of the major music genres – rock, pop, country, rap, and R&B
  3. Travel to all 7 continents
  4. Write a book
  5. Get my writing published or self-publish my own writing
  6. Visit the Pearl Harbor Memorial in Hawaii
  7. Learn American Sign Language
  8. Learn to speak another language fluently
  9. Visit each of the 50 states and Washington DC
  10. Volunteer in a third world country
  11. Live in another country
  12. Sing karaoke…loudly and without a care in the world
  13. Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade in New York City
  14. National Equality March in Washington DC
  15. Spend 4th of July in Washington DC
  16. Get accepted into all of the colleges I apply to (undergraduate)
  17. Make the President’s List in College
  18. Graduate with honors in high school and college
  19. Watch a space shuttle launch
  20. Walk across the Brooklyn Bridge
  21. Answer the age-old question: Geno’s or Pat’s Cheese steak?
  22. Skydiving
  23. Cave tubing
  24. Join a sorority and become an initiated member
  25. Learn the lyrics to an entire rap album
  26. Create a parody of a song and put it on YouTube
  27. Watch the ball drop in Times Square
  28. Duval Crawl in Key West
  29. Eiffel Tower in Paris
  30. Toss a coin into the Trevi Fountain
  31. Visit a concentration camp in Europe
  32. Make the front page of the newspaper
  33. Help build a house with Habitat for Humanity
  34. Visit the pyramids
  35. Start “the wave” in a public place
  36. Visit Niagra Falls
  37. Donate blood
  38. Run a 5k
  39. Run a 10k
  40. Learn how to surf
  41. Go parasailing
  42. Go on a gondola ride in Venice
  43. Make a call from a red telephone booth in London
  44. The Louvre
  45. Walk the Great Wall of China
  46. Table Mountain in South Africa
  47. Hollywood Walk of Fame in Los Angeles
  48. Zipline through a rainforest
  49. Go through the Panama Canal
  50. Jump in the pool with my clothes on
  51. Swim with the dolphins
  52. See Mayan Ruins in Central America
  53. Learn to ski
  54. Learn to ice skate
  55. Ride in a helicopter
  56. Mardi Gras in New Orleans
  57. Cage diving with sharks in South Africa
  58. White water rafting
  59. Be an audience member in a TV show
  60. Attend a Broadway Musical
  61. Learn to play poker
  62. Go ice skating at the Rockefeller Plaza
  63. Go to a super bowl
  64. Get on a jumbotron at a sporting event
  65. Watch a solar eclipse
  66. Watch a lunar eclipse
  67. Watch a meteor shower
  68. Fall in love
  69. Be a vegetarian for a week
  70. Be a vegan for a week
  71. Go to the top of the Statue of Liberty
  72. Stay in a hotel by myself
  73. Stay in a five-star hotel
  74. Go camping
  75. Keep a written journal
  76. Do a good deed for a stranger
  77. Shoot a gun
  78. Go tech-free for a week
  79. Learn CPR
  80. Learn to line dance
  81. Take a ballroom dancing class
  82. Learn to salsa dance
  83. Be in a wedding
  84. Go to the Olympics
  85. Be in two countries at once
  86. Stand at the equator
  87. Go on 50 cruises
  88. Meet a celebrity