Saturday, September 12, 2009

"Well, you've made a lot of mistakes..."

Bad decisions. I’ve made a lot of them over my lifetime, but they’ve become more frequent since entering college. Maybe it’s the fact that I’m on my own now, or maybe it’s because I’m getting older. I can’t really be sure of the exact reason. I used to be so ashamed of my mistakes, but I’ve come to realize that it’s our mistakes and how we recover from them that shape who we are. But what’s always hard is being constantly reminded of the mistakes I’ve made. Often times I don’t hear it from friends or family, but rather from myself. I beat myself up over my mistakes in fear that others will do it as well. And while I know that my mistakes make me stronger, I can't help but feel guilty and ashamed every once in awhile. The first few days after one of my many bad decisions is always the hardest because it’s always like “well, where do I go from here?” I’m starting to learn how to quickly put it behind me and move on. I know who I am, and I’m starting not to care what judgments people make about me. One bad night does not define me as a person, nor does one bad day define my outlook on things. It’s about moving on and letting go, and not caring so much about what others have to think. I know that I am strong because of the pain I have suffered, and I’m happy because I’ve known extreme sadness. I am who I am not because of one day, but because of nearly 20 years of experiences.

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