So much has happened since the last time I posted. Winter break, my birthday, my car broke down in Alabama, I got it fixed, I started my second semester of grad school, but most importantly, Alex and I celebrated our one-year anniversary.
I think a lot about how we got to this point because if you asked me a year ago if I thought we'd be in the place we are today, I would've told you "no." Not because I didn't believe in our relationship (I did), but because I thought I would've screwed it all up by now. That's just what I'm good at - ruining all of the good things in my life.
I think about what got me to go on that first date. Two days prior I wanted nothing to do with him, but when I spent time with him, I felt comfortable, relaxed, and in good company. Maybe that day was the turning point. Because from that day forward, I couldn't get him off of my mind...no matter how hard I tried. And when we went on our first date, I had the most intense butterflies. I didn't even know what to say. I was unusually shy, I didn't want to drink (which was not like me at the time), and I was on my phone way more than I usually would be. I was nervous, excited, cautious...all because I was with a man who made me this way. I liked how I felt when I looked in his eyes, laughed with him, and held his hand. I would get over the quirkiness, but I thought "if everything else stays, this could be a good thing." I didn't kiss him on our first date because I wanted to make sure he was genuine. And sure enough he was. Two long days later he got that kiss, and he still gets them every time we're together.
I saw a movie the other day, Silver Linings Playbook, and as dysfunctional as Pat and Tiffany were, they were perfect for each other. They made each other better and lifted each other's spirits. They were broken and quirky, but they were in it together. And it made me realize that when you find someone who is good for you, they can change everything.
Alex has helped me find the silver linings in life. He's helped me see the light when all I can see is darkness, and he's helped me to remain hopeful. He's been understanding and comforting and thoughtful. He's been an incredible support system. We remind each other every day of the things we love about the other person and how in love we truly are. We remind each other that even though this isn't the ideal situation, it won't always be this way.
I never could have known these things on our first date, but I'm glad I know them now. I'm glad I got over whatever was holding me back, and I'm glad I gave him a chance. He's my one and only, the love of my life, and my best friend.
I'm so lucky to call him mine.