Grad School War

With all but one of my grad school applications in, I have a lot to think about.  How will I afford these schools?  Where will I live?  Am I ready for all that grad school brings?  But most importantly...where do I really want to go?

This is where I'm torn.  I have my top four (4) schools, and they are divided by two categories: college football and city life.

As I sit here during rivalry weekend in college football, I want nothing more than to have this experience.  I want the experience of going to one of these games and cheering for my school.  FGCU couldn't give me this experience.  And while I know that grad school requires me to "grow up," I still really want to be able to have the football season experience.

On the other hand, I would love to move to a big city.  Both of my parents went to school in New York City, and I would love to have a similar experience as them.  I would love to take the subway/metro to get to campus.  I would love to walk out of a college building and step into the streets of one of the nation's biggest cities.  I would love to have opportunities at my fingertips.

So what is it?  Florida State or Alabama?  Georgetown or NYU?  Or will I end up at one of my back up schools...USF or FIU?

I guess only time and tears will tell.

NutriSystem // One Month

I've pretty much made the decision to go on NutriSystem for a month.  I'm going to use it as a way to kick start my lifestyle change and give me the confidence that I need to move forward.  I keep hitting blocks, and most of what I do doesn't work.  It will work for a week (maybe two) and then I get off track.  I need something that will get me back on track and give me confidence that I can lose the weight I want to lose (25-30 pounds).


Twenty-five to thirty pounds may seem like a lot, but I promise you it's not.  It's brining me back to the same weight range I was before college (okay, so it's a 5 pounds less than what I was pre-college).  It's a weight that I wasn't comfortable with at the time, but now that I look back I see that I was healthy.  I wasn't stick thin, but I was healthy and I looked good.  I just want to get back to that.


Believe me, I'm completely against diet plans because I don't think they work.  But I truly don't believe that NutriSystem is a diet plan.  It provides you with pre-portioned foods that you pair with common grocery items (such as salads, eggs, peanut butter, milk, cheese, etc.)  As an added bonus, you get a free membership to their program so you can access all of the health articles.  You also have access to the exercise program which gives you exercise tips and allows you to track your exercise online (I already use sparkpeople.com for this, but it's still a good feature).




On a completely different note, it's been exactly one month since my grandmother passed away.  I cannot believe it's been a month already; it feels like just yesterday that my sister and I were eating Chinese food with her and she was telling us what she wanted to drink (first ginger ale then orangeade.  never cold and just a little).  I miss her more than I ever thought I would, and it gets harder and harder each day.  They say it gets better in time, but right now quite the opposite is true.  Eventually I'll come to terms with it all, but right now it's just hard.  


I love you, Grandma.  You're in my heart, forever and always.

"Well, you've made a lot of mistakes..."

Bad decisions. I’ve made a lot of them over my lifetime, but they’ve become more frequent since entering college. Maybe it’s the fact that I’m on my own now, or maybe it’s because I’m getting older. I can’t really be sure of the exact reason. I used to be so ashamed of my mistakes, but I’ve come to realize that it’s our mistakes and how we recover from them that shape who we are. But what’s always hard is being constantly reminded of the mistakes I’ve made. Often times I don’t hear it from friends or family, but rather from myself. I beat myself up over my mistakes in fear that others will do it as well. And while I know that my mistakes make me stronger, I can't help but feel guilty and ashamed every once in awhile. The first few days after one of my many bad decisions is always the hardest because it’s always like “well, where do I go from here?” I’m starting to learn how to quickly put it behind me and move on. I know who I am, and I’m starting not to care what judgments people make about me. One bad night does not define me as a person, nor does one bad day define my outlook on things. It’s about moving on and letting go, and not caring so much about what others have to think. I know that I am strong because of the pain I have suffered, and I’m happy because I’ve known extreme sadness. I am who I am not because of one day, but because of nearly 20 years of experiences.