Bucket List: October 2012

175. Celebrate a college homecoming week

At FGCU, homecoming didn't exist.  All four years I was there they said they were going to try and create some sort of homecoming tradition even without a football team.  Never happened.

Now that I'm a student at The University of Alabama, I have the opportunity to do many things I couldn't do at FGCU...including celebrating a homecoming week and going to a homecoming football game.  Since this is my only year at UA, I did as much as I could, even though that meant going to the homecoming parade and (unexpectedly) going to the homecoming football game.  It was a blast.  That's the best way I can describe it.

Hopefully I can return to UA years down the road as an alumni to once again celebrate homecoming week.  It was an experience I won't forget.

My second family

Chi Omega, Pi Mu chapter
Family #88
Dinosaur Family

"Sisterhood is many things. It's a warn smile on a cold and rainy day, a friendly hug, a cheerful hello... It's all that a good and lasting friendship is, only better. It's treasured. It's sacred. It's knowing that there will always be someone there for you. It's dreams shared, and goals achieved. It's counting on others and being counted on. It is real."

What a week!

Anna Callaway (our NC) in the middle! Love her <3

Sorority recruitment has come to a close, and it's been such an insane (and incredible) week.  Having TWO members of our governing council at our chapter this week is a huge honor, and I feel so lucky to have met them.  In addition, our National Consultant, Anna, has been an amazing asset to our chapter this week.  She's boosted the morale of our chapter and has been an amazing help to the recruitment team.  She defines what it means to be a sister for life.  Though she may be leaving us, I won't forget this amazing week we've spent together.  Anna Callaway, Joellyn Sullivan, and Jane Tankersley- thank you so much for everything this week.  Words cannot begin to describe what you've done for our chapter.  My last recruitment (though I was on the recruitment team) was the most memorable of them all because YOU THREE were here.

I am a Jersey girl.

I am an over-achiever.

I AM A CHI OMEGA.

April 5th = Perfect!

Yesterday, April 5th, was beyond perfect. I'm sure you're wondering why.  Well, here's why:

- Chi Omega Founders Day! Keeping it classy for 116 years <3

- I got a 100% on my AP Style & Grammar exam

- I got to spend time with my Big!

- I spent time bonding with my sisters at the Chili Con Chi-O table.

- I copied my first agendas (with supervision) & learned to use the recorder

- I got a 100% on my Death & Dying paper

- I'm the new Senate Secretary!!!!

- I went to Applebee's with my SG family :)

- Tony bought me a drink

- I smiled all day :)

Seriously, yesterday was beyond amazing. It's days like this that remind me that I am surrounded by the most amazing people.  I know it's cliche, but I love my life and wouldn't want it any other way.  I couldn't be much happier <3

Can money buy a good time?

Most people know this but for those that don't, my family is in a real financial situation right now.  My dad lost his job back in January, and we have just enough money for necessities.  My parents never spoiled me with money, but they were able to help me out when I needed it.  For awhile, my parents didn't want me to have a job so I could focus on school.  They don't really feel that way now, but I've been so stressed out with school and my sorority that I didn't think I'd have enough time for a job.  Now that my dad is out of a job and I can't get financial support from my parents, I'm forced to look for a job.

My bank account is about to be wiped clean thanks to the mandatory checks I had to write for sorority recruitment.  When I tell friends and sisters that I don't have any money in my account, they just assume that I don't want to spend my money.  But what they don't realize is that I really don't have any money there.

Today my Big asked me to go to dinner.  Then it was ice skating and McDonald's.  When I let her know that I didn't have any money so I wouldn't be able to go, she said to come to her place at 7pm and bring $4 for pizza.  What about "I don't have any money" didn't make sense?!

This is only a recent example.  I can't leave out all of the times my friends want me to go to Ale House or Applebee's with them after Senate.  I used to go and just get water, but then I constantly got questioned and bugged about it.  At first I'd lie and say I wasn't hungry, but when my stomach began to growl the truth came out.  I told my friends I didn't have any money and even though they offered to pay, I had to decline.  I know they offered, but I always felt bad.  So then I just stopped going with them.  I feel like I'm missing out on a lot, and it really sucks.  But what can I do?

Everyone I know always wants to hang out and go somewhere that requires me to spend money.  I just want to hang out and do something that doesn't require money - watching a movie at home, going to the park, going to the FGCU gym or waterfront.  I know these things sound so simple, but for me it's the little, simple things in life that matter the most.  I don't think you need to have money to have a good time.  All you need is good company.

Chi Omega

My new member experience in Chi Omega is quickly coming to a close. In 25 hours, I will begin the official initiation process. I feel like now is the appropriate time to reflect on my new member experience over the past 4 months.

I'll be the first to admit that I didn't want to be in Chi Omega. I went into recruitment saying, "if I get into Chi Omega, I'm not joining. I'll be happy anywhere but Chi Omega." It wasn't until Preference night that I fell in love with Chi Omega. There was something about the sorority that night that stood out to me. I think it was the bonds they had with each other and the love they had for Chi Omega. They were all so diverse and yet they all had a common bond. I knew that night that I wanted to be a Chi Omega. And on bid day, when I received a bid from them, I couldn't have been any happier.

It feels like bid day was just yesterday. I remember meeting a bunch of the actives and sharing the excitement with my fellow baby hooties. I remember taking a bunch of pictures with the other babies and then with the entire chapter. During our chapter pictures, everything just felt right.

Clue week was one of the most nerve-wracking weeks ever! I would stay in my dorm as long as I could just waiting for the clues from my Big. As I got each of the clues, I fell in love with her more and more...even though I could never guess who she was. I kept saying, "these aren't clues!" But it wasn't until after Big/Little Revelation that I realized what all of the clues meant. I still feel so stupid for not realizing it was Sarah. I wanted her to be my Big all along, and when I ran through that tunnel at Revelation and I saw her at the end, I was the happiest girl in the world. I hugged her for what seemed like forever, and I started to cry. Her and I have become close over the past few months, and our bond will only continue to grow stronger. I love her to death, and I couldn't have asked for a better, more incredible Big. She is without a doubt the best gift I've received this year.

Classy Chi-O Connections was when I really opened up to my future sisters. During the candle pass, I shared a big secret I had been hiding. I received so many hugs and words of support that night, and that's the night that I was reminded why I joined Chi Omega. It was also the night where I really started bonding with a lot of the girls. These girls are still the ones that I know I can always go to, and their love and support seriously means everything to me. I realized that I have a family in Chi Omega, and I couldn't imagine my life without it.

Over the past 2 days of prelude, I was reminded that my pledge class is a family within a family. We may not all hang out and talk, but we all love each other. We're all in this together. The nerves, anticipation, and excitement are all things that each and every one of us can relate to.

Through all of the new member meetings, socials, and random run-ins across campus, I've bonded with the beautiful ladies of Chi Omega. They may not officially be my sisters, but I consider each and every one of them my sister already. They're my family, and when everything else is falling apart, they're still here. I laugh with them and cry with them. I'm myself with them. I would be absolutely lost without them.

I'm a Student Government Senator.
I'm a Jersey Girl.
I'm a philanthropist.
I'm a lover, not a fighter.
I AM A CHI OMEGA.

The 5am Discovery

Christinapalooza at Disney was great, and I could write a whole blog about it. And I will. But not right now. Now is not the time. If there's anything I've learned in my 20 years of life, it's that life is unexpected. No matter how much you think you know what's going to happen next, the truth is, you can never be certain. And my "two week happiness theory" never fails. (My "two week happiness theory" states that I can never be happy for more than 2 weeks before something goes wrong and takes that away from me). In times of struggle and sadness, I reflect and write. It's what I know best.

Wednesday night (12.22) was supposed to be incredible. And for the most part, it was. I went to Alico Arena with some of my Chi Omega sisters to watch the wish of Patrick "P.J." Chester, Jr. come true. He was hit by a drunk driver in 2007 and now suffers from seizures. He had to relearn almost everything. He was granted a wish by the Make-A-Wish Foundation (which happens to be Chi Omega's philanthropy), and his wish was to become a basketball star. And Wednesday night was the night that his wish would come true. To see P.J.'s face when he arrived to screaming fans at Alico Arena was the greatest feeling in the world. He is truly amazing, and it's a night that I know he'll remember for the rest of his life.

As I was sitting in Alico Arena during the game when I got an unexpected text: "Mom and I are taking grandma to the hospital so we won't be home for a while." The words hit me hard and fast, and I wasn't sure how to react. And I know for a fact that if I hadn't been sitting in a crowded arena surrounded by my sisters that I would have broken down. Earlier that day she had fallen down and wasn't able to get up for 2 hours. Now she was weak and dehydrated...but that was only a prelude to the underlying condition.

I'll be spending most of my Christmas in the hospital. Despite what my grandparents want to believe, the rest of us know the truth. My grandmother is dying. The doctors said she should have been dead a long time ago, and that all they can really do now is to keep trying as long as she wants them to. My grandmother doesn't want to die. She's afraid of the unknown. And my grandfather seems to be in denial. If he was given the option to pull the plug, he wouldn't do it.

For me, the holiday seasons are always full of reminders...both of the good and bad. And while this year is no different, it kind of is. I haven't been reflecting on this year, but rather the past 20 I've spent with my grandmother. I've been reminded of the things we've done together, and the things we never got the chance to do. My mom says she doesn't see her making it through the year; I don't know if I see her making it through next month. It makes these moments so important because I never know when it's all going to be taken away from me.

I was just reading a blog posted by Jamie Tworkowski, the founder of To Write Love on Her Arms, titled "For Empty Seats and Elephants in Rooms and Dreams that Feel Impossible." If you haven't read it, go to www.twloha.com and read it. His words hit home to me, and they're what I needed to hear on this not-so-merry Christmas Day.

John Mayer said it well in a tweet yesterday - "Sending a heartfelt Merry Christmas to those who feel loneliness this time of year. You're not alone. Hang in there."

I've come to the realization...

I cannot begin to explain how much I've enjoyed the past 4 days of my Thanksgiving Break, and I am saddened that it's about to come to an end. I haven't had this much free time or been this relaxed since August. I'm sad that this break is about to end, but only a week-and-a-half until I have an entire month off for Winter Break :)

I've used my free time to spend time with family, shop & buy new clothes (I haven't done that in about a year!), write, but most importantly, remember what is most important to me. Here are some of the most important things I've come to realize over break:

I've come to the realization that I'm way too involved on campus. I love all of the organizations that I'm involved with, and I love being busy. BUT, I don't have time for the things that matter most. I don't have time to give myself an hour a day to do what I want to do. I don't have the time to totally take care of myself - like cook a fresh meal or go to the gym or waterfront. I don't have time to sit down and write out my emotions. I don't have the time to sleep at night (most college students don't). And to be honest, this over involvement isn't doing much for me. I'd rather be great at something than be good at everything. I've known that I needed to drop a few things for awhile, but I was so worried about disappointing people that I didn't want to do it. But I've come to the realization that it's not about them, it's about me. I shouldn't cry myself to sleep every night because I'm overwhelmed, overworked, and under appreciated. I need to involve myself with the things that overwork me, but appreciate me. I need to involve myself with things that give me something in return, and that "something" does not need to be tangible. I need to involve myself with things that make me happy. I guess I've come to the realization that my happiness does in fact matter.

I've come to the realization that my story does matter. My 20th birthday is quickly approaching, and I'm starting to realize that I've been through A LOT for someone my age. And at the same time, I've also overcome a lot. Some people are afraid to tell their stories because it makes everything real, and to an extent, I definitely feel that way. But I also feel like my story can help a lot of people - whether it be by giving them hope or just giving them information so they can write an essay. I'm open about my life and what I've been through, and I'm starting to feel like I need to share my story with more people. Writing is a good way to do that, but so is speaking about it. Most importantly, it's about speaking out.

I've come to the realization that I am OBSESSED with To Write Love on Her Arms. If you haven't heard of it, TWLOHA is a "non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury, and suicide." I've struggled with all of these things so TWLOHA hits very close to home for me. I found this organization when I was at rock bottom back in early 2007, and I seriously don't know where I'd be without it. I utilized a lot of their resources, including the suicide hotline, and they literally saved my life. Their message is so inspiring, and it makes me want to do so much more. It makes me want to speak out and share my story. I know that sounds so lame, but people relate better to personal stories than anything else. When I was at rock bottom, I counted on TWLOHA as well as the stories of people I didn't know to give me hope. I spend at least an hour a day on this website, reading blogs and stories as well as creating my wish list of their merchandise. I seriously love this organization.

I've come to the realization that I am a terrible Little. My Big is amazing; I love her to death and she's such an incredible person. Coordinating the schedules of two busy people is tough, but I've come to the realization that maybe I don't try hard enough. More than anything, I want our Big/Little relationship to work. And it kills me that right now it's not. We never see each other, and if we do it's usually for 5 minutes. We never talk, and I don't feel close to her at all. And it's my own fault; I haven't opened up to her the way I've opened up to many of my other sisters. I've come to the realization that I'd give up everything to have a better relationship with my Big. I remember Big/Little clue week and revelation; I wanted her to be my Big so badly and when I saw her at the end of that tunnel, I was the happiest girl in the world. I want that feeling back again.

I've come to the realization that I have the most amazing friends in the entire world. They are my world. They are there for me when I feel like giving up. They are there congratulating me after I've accomplished something. They are there when I just want to hang out and laugh. If I'm ever alone and just want to be around someone, my friends are there. I don't deserve to have such incredible people in my life, but I'm so thankful to have them around. I love them all so much, and I seriously don't know what I would do without them.

I've come to the realization that I love Chi Omega and need to make more time for it.

I've come to the realization that all of the stress has taken a huge toll on me.

I've come to the realization that I need to be a better friend. They deserve better than what I give them.

I've come to the realization that I need to make time to take care of myself.

I've come to the realization that writing is the most relaxing thing for me, and I need to make time to do it every single day...

Thanksgiving 2009

Usually I dread Thanksgiving. It's just one of those days where I'm forced to spend time with family and eat way too much. For some reason, this year was different. This year, I was excited to spend time with my family, and I realized that I have so much to be thankful for.

About a month ago, my aunt died of brain cancer. It was the first time I cried when a family member died, and it really hit me hard - partially because I volunteer with the American Cancer Society and partially because I have a deeper appreciation for my family. My family seems to be "getting smaller." It's not that more people are dying, it's that more people are fighting and not talking to each other. It's always bothered me, but it bothered me even more after the death of my aunt. My aunt was healthy and lived an active lifestyle before she was diagnosed with brain cancer. But when she was diagnosed, her health quickly deteriorated. Life was taken away from her so quickly, and it could happen to anyone. You'd think that this would bring my family back together, but it didn't. And that's what bothers me. Life is too short to not talk because of the DUMBEST things. I'm sorry, but their arguments are ridiculous. I've learned that life is too short to hold grudges, and I've learned that the people you love can be taken away from you without notice. You might as well enjoy and appreciate the time you have left with them. It's unfortunate that it took my aunt's death for me to realize this, but I'm thankful to have finally learned this valuable lesson. And I'm thankful to have been able to spend my Thanksgiving with part of my family.

And I can't forget about my friends. I am so thankful for each and every one of my friends. I cannot even begin to describe how much my friends mean to me. Never in my life have I felt such a strong connection to my friends. I love each and every one of them, and sometimes I don't think I tell them that enough. My friends have been there for me through some of the hardest times, but more importantly, they've been there for me through the great times too. In the past, my friends have been there for me during the tough times but abandoned me when I just wanted to have fun and laugh. But these people are different. Sure, we've had some incredible heart-to-hearts, but we've also had some amazing and fun times together. They are hands down the most amazing people I have ever met, and each one of them has a very special place in my heart. I don't think they will ever know how much I love them and how much they mean to me.

I feel like the luckiest person in the world right now. I have an amazing family, incredible friends, and beautiful Chi Omega sisters. All of the material things don't matter when you have such awesome people in your life. This Thanksgiving, I have absolutely everything to be thankful for.