#MCM

In the world of social media, today is #mcm (otherwise known as "Man Crush Monday").  I try to avoid posting pictures of my #mcm in order to avoid being sappy and cliche, but today, I couldn't help myself.  And for some reason, I want to extend my overly mushy love on my blog.  But it's my blog, and I can do whatever I want.

You're my best friend, but you're more than that.  You're my best friend, partner in crime and court-appointed friend (inside joke!).  You make me laugh until I cry or almost pee my pants.  You laugh at me when I deserve it, you encourage me through all of my crazy endeavors and you're my number one fan through it all.  You support me in everything I do - trying to lose weight, signing up for a Tough Mudder, switching jobs and finding my passion.  You push me to be better, even when I don't appreciate it.  You cuddle with me even when you'd rather lay alone, you let me be the big spoon sometimes and you always tell me I look beautiful in the morning.  You're honest in a way that no one else is.  I don't always like to hear it, but just know that I appreciate it.  You're the cheese to my macaroni, the peanut butter to my jelly (in an uncrustable), the Crown to my coke.  You're the icing on my cupcake, the chocolate chips in my cookie and you make everything in life so much better.  You don't complete me - you complement me.  You make me better.  You're everything I'm not and everything I aspire to be.  Baby, you're my better half.  You're the love of my life, and I'd be so lost without you.  Thanks for a truly incredible two and a half years.

I love you, Alex.  You're my #mcm, today and forever.

See you later, 23!

On Monday (December 16th), I turned 24.  That's right...24.

I can't believe it's been a year since I celebrated my 23rd birthday.  So much has happened this year that I don't think I'd be able to capture it all in a single blog post (good thing for all those other posts).  But, I'm going to try and list out some of my favorites:

1. Watching my sister get married and being her maid of honor.

2. Watching Alabama win the BCS National Championship.  

3. Snow day in Tuscaloosa!

4. Celebrating my one year anniversary with Alex by going on a cruise to the Bahamas.

5. Watching Dunk City come to life during the NCAA men's basketball tournament.

6. Being in the ultrasound room when my sister found out she was having a girl.

7. Going to my first craft brewery.  I've been a craft beer lover ever since!

8. Seeing Lee Brice, Chris Young and Brad Paisley in Tuscaloosa.

9. Graduating with my master's degree and being back with my boyfriend.

10. Marley Shai Johnson.  In September, my sister gave birth to her first child, Marley Shai (she also happens to be my first niece).  She has brought so much joy to my life in such a short period of time, and I miss being able to see her all the time.

11. Landing my first job.  It's been nearly a month since I started working with ITVantage, and I'm so thankful for the opportunity I was given.

12. Painting and re-organizing the condo and making it "ours."  It feels nice to come home from work every day and feel at home.

13. Experiencing seasons while living in Tuscaloosa.  You don't get that in Southwest Florida.


Twenty-three was a great year, but I can't wait to see what the next year of my life will hold.  If it's anything like the past, it will be filled with ups and downs...but I wouldn't want things any other way.

Regret (verb): To think of with a sense of loss

I never used to believe in regrets.  I always believed that something good could come out of something bad.  I truly believed you should never regret anything because it can only make you stronger.

But recently, I've had a change of heart.  Going to grad school at Alabama...that's my biggest regret.

Sure, I got to experience a beautiful campus, amazing campus life, and a campus full of history and tradition.  But at what cost?  I risked so much coming here, and although I didn't lose it all, I lost something I fought so hard for for so many years - my happiness.

When I left Florida, I was in a fairly new relationship.  We had only been dating for six months when I moved.  Things were great.  I was in love for the first time in my life, and I felt like I had found the one I was meant to be with for the rest of my life.  Now, 10 months later, we're still together, and I'm so grateful for that because I know he didn't have to stay with me.  But honestly, our relationship is tough.  In a long distance relationship, you rely solely on verbal communication.  And at times, it puts a lot of strain on the relationship.  You fight more often, you run out of things to talk about, and you begin to feel distant.  I've grown so jealous and insecure in this relationship, and I've never been that kind of person before.  It's put unnecessary strain on our relationship, and it's certainly caused a lot of fights. This past year has gotten the best of us, and I almost feel like my relationship is a daily battle.  Some days, I wonder if we're going to make it.

I've struggled with my happiness from the moment I left Fort Myers.  The first few days I was in Alabama I cried every moment I was awake.  It was torture.  Over time I cried a little less, but every now and then, I break down.  I still hurt every day because I feel like I left something something great for something terrible.  I took a gamble, and it backfired.  Each day it hurts to be here, and it's a battle to get up in the morning and work hard.

I'm 68 days away from graduating, and it seriously cannot come soon enough.  I believe in living in the present and enjoying each moment, but right now, I wouldn't mind time speeding up a little.  I'm ready to have my master's degree and move back to Florida.

I don't regret much.  In fact, I can only think of one or two things that I regret.  Every hardship I've experience, every heartache, and every low point in my life has only made me stronger.  Maybe six months from now I'll have that same outlook on this experience.  But right now, I regret coming here.

I'm ready for the worst year of my life to be over.  I'm ready to take the "long distance" out of my relationship.  But mostly, I'm ready to be happy again.  I'm ready to smile and laugh and enjoy life...and really mean it.

Thanks for Always Calling Me Beautiful

You know that you’re not my first boyfriend…but you also know that all of my other relationships were so long ago (like “6 years before we started dating” long ago).  I don’t remember the dynamic of those relationships or much about them at all.  What I do know is that you’re different than all of the other guys I’ve dated.  Not just because you’re the only man I’ve ever loved…but because you always call me beautiful.

Most guys don’t notice when their girlfriend gets a hair cut or when they wear a new shade of lipstick.  Most guys don’t notice when their girlfriend buys a new outfit or when she starts a new workout routine.  Most guys don’t notice when their girlfriend loses a pound.  But you do.  After a month (or more) of being apart, you notice when I’ve lost weight (even just a pound).  You notice when my clothes fit differently.  You notice things that most guys wouldn’t, and it truly means the world to me.

When I tell you that I’m on a new medication, the first thing you do is look it up online.  If I’m interested in starting a new diet plan or workout routine, you look up that stuff too.  You want the best for me, and you genuinely care about making sure I’m healthy. 

You’ve never once called me ugly.  I could send you a picture of my hair up in a towel or with a piece of candy sticking out of my mouth…moments when I look truly hideous.  And what you do say?  You’ll say, “oh wow” or “you’re so weird.”  But you always end it by telling me I’m cute.

When I greet you at the airport (or when you greet me), the first thing you do is tell me how good I look.  You tell me that I’ve lost weight and that I look beautiful.  It doesn’t matter if I’ve been awake since 4am or if I’ve spent 3.5 hours in a car, 3 hours in an airport, and 2 hours on a plane.  You always tell me I’m beautiful.

I’ve never had someone make me feel as good as you have.  In our 15 months of dating, you’ve never called me ugly.  You’ve never called me fat.  You’ve always been supportive of me wanting to lose weight.  You’ve been supportive in my journey to be healthier and in my journey to try and run a 5k.  You support all of my goals and dreams…no matter how crazy they may be.  And you always build up my confidence.

Thank you for being the man of my dreams, the love of my life, and for always telling me that I’m beautiful.  I love you, Alex.  I’m the luckiest girl in the world to have you by my side.

Finding the Silver Linings

It's been awhile since I've posted.  It's not that I haven't been inspired (because I have been), but nothing has really been "post worthy."  I'm not even sure if this one is.

So much has happened since the last time I posted.  Winter break, my birthday, my car broke down in Alabama, I got it fixed, I started my second semester of grad school, but most importantly, Alex and I celebrated our one-year anniversary.

I think a lot about how we got to this point because if you asked me a year ago if I thought we'd be in the place we are today, I would've told you "no."  Not because I didn't believe in our relationship (I did), but because I thought I would've screwed it all up by now.  That's just what I'm good at - ruining all of the good things in my life.

I think about what got me to go on that first date.  Two days prior I wanted nothing to do with him, but when I spent time with him, I felt comfortable, relaxed, and in good company.  Maybe that day was the turning point.  Because from that day forward, I couldn't get him off of my mind...no matter how hard I tried.  And when we went on our first date, I had the most intense butterflies.  I didn't even know what to say.  I was unusually shy, I didn't want to drink (which was not like me at the time), and I was on my phone way more than I usually would be.  I was nervous, excited, cautious...all because I was with a man who made me this way.  I liked how I felt when I looked in his eyes, laughed with him, and held his hand.  I would get over the quirkiness, but I thought "if everything else stays, this could be a good thing."  I didn't kiss him on our first date because I wanted to make sure he was genuine.  And sure enough he was.  Two long days later he got that kiss, and he still gets them every time we're together.

I saw a movie the other day, Silver Linings Playbook, and as dysfunctional as Pat and Tiffany were, they were perfect for each other.  They made each other better and lifted each other's spirits.  They were broken and quirky, but they were in it together.  And it made me realize that when you find someone who is good for you, they can change everything.

Alex has helped me find the silver linings in life.  He's helped me see the light when all I can see is darkness, and he's helped me to remain hopeful.  He's been understanding and comforting and thoughtful.  He's been an incredible support system.  We remind each other every day of the things we love about the other person and how in love we truly are.  We remind each other that even though this isn't the ideal situation, it won't always be this way.

I never could have known these things on our first date, but I'm glad I know them now.  I'm glad I got over whatever was holding me back, and I'm glad I gave him a chance.  He's my one and only, the love of my life, and my best friend.

I'm so lucky to call him mine.