A Change of Heart

I've been in Alabama for a little over a week, and this past week has been one of the hardest weeks of my entire life.  I've cried more than I ever have, and I've felt lower and more alone than ever before.  I've had such a hard time adjusting to being on my own, and this transition is much harder than I thought it would be.  I thought this was what I wanted, but I found myself doubting my decision every day for the past week.

It wasn't until yesterday that my opinions changed.  Yesterday was my first day of grad school.  It was the first day of my program's orientation and we had an exam.  As I was standing outside the room waiting for orientation to start, I talked with a few other people in the program and for the first time in over a week, I felt excited.  For one, no one else really studied for the exam which took away all of my nerves.  Also, I wasn't the only person who just moved here and didn't know anyone.  For the first time in a week, I didn't feel alone.  I didn't feel like I was going through this alone.  I felt like I had just made 14 new friends and that everything was going to be okay.

For all of you interested in the one-year MA Advertising & PR program at Alabama, here's what you need to know for your diagnostic exam: (1) What is advertising? (2) What is public relations? (3) Why do organizations engage in advertising and public relations activities? (4) What are the similarities and differences between advertising and public relations?

Seriously, that's all you need to know.  Don't spend your summer slaving over the books trying to learn every single definition.  Know these four things and you'll be set.  (From what I've been told, these are the same questions they ask every year.)

Don't get me wrong, I'm still extremely nervous about the program and what these next 11 months hold.  But at the same time, I'm hopeful and I know I can do this.  The hardest part is being away from Alex, but knowing that he's supporting me in all of this makes it so much easier.  And in 15 days, we'll get to see each other again.  Those visits give me hope.  They keep me going.  He keeps me going even when I want to give up.

This year is going to be a whirlwind and it's going to test me on every single level, but I can do it.  In August 2013, I will have my master's degree.

Alabama Thunderstorms

Alabama thunderstorms.  They're nothing like the storms we get in Florida.  Alabama storms are vicious.  The rain is heavy and it's cold.  The thunder doesn't crack like it does in Florida.  It's more of a constant boom.  But the lightning is similar - it flashes, it cracks, then it's gone.

Being a Florida girl, I'm used to rain...but Florida has nothing on this.  During Alabama storms, I stare outside and wonder how it's not a hurricane.  I can't see a thing, but when I get close enough, I can see the lights flying all over the place.  Mostly, I just lay in bed hoping it will just end.  I close my eyes and hope I wake up to sunshine.

The one thing I will say is that after the crazy, scary storms there's sunshine.  The sun comes out and you can breathe again.

I guess I can relate.  Right now, my life is an Alabama thunderstorm.  It's vicious, intense, heavy, and booming.  But soon there will be sunshine and everything will be okay.

I just have to keep reminding myself of that.

Bucket List: July 2012

50. Jump in the pool with my clothes on

It was getting towards the end of the month when I realized that I hadn't crossed anything off my bucket list.  So I looked at my list, browsed through it, and stumbled upon this one.  Then I literally walked outside and jumped in the pool.  It was quite the experience...and honestly quite fun!  Too bad no one else was home to witness it.

A Very Public Love Letter

Alex,

Six months ago tomorrow we went on our first date (well, our first date that I actually knew was a date).  So many incredible things have happened since then, and I’m grateful for every second that I’ve been able to spend with you.

We’ve had our ups and we’ve certainly had our downs, but no amount of bad times could change how I feel about you.  We’ve both said some things we regret, but at the end of the day, it’s all about forgiving each other and moving forward.  It’s easy to forgive someone when you’re in love.

From day one you’ve made me feel special, wanted, and loved.  No one has ever made me feel the way you make me feel.  You remind me, in your own ways, that I’m important to you.  That I matter to you.  That I’m the only girl you want to be with.  Today, tomorrow, and forever.

I could look my worst and you tell me that I’m beautiful.  I could be having the worst possible day and you still find a way to make me smile and laugh.  I could be crying my eyes out in the bathroom and you push open the door and hug me until I stop.  It’s the little things that mean the most, Alex.  You make my day brighter every single day.

I’m not an expert on relationships, and I can’t say I’ve been in love many times before.  But with you I just know.  I know that I’m in love with you.  I know it because your flaws and your weaknesses are beautiful to me.  I know it because of how you make me feel.  And I know it because I can’t always describe how I’m feeling.  I just know that I’m better because of you.  I know that I want to wake up every morning and make you proud.  I know that I want to be a better person.  I know all of this because of you.

You’ve stuck by me when no one else has, and you try to understand me even when I’m impossible to understand.  I don’t know why you’ve stuck around sometimes, but it means the world to me that you have.

You make me so proud every single day.  The passion and drive you have for work is amazing to me.  Even though it keeps us apart sometimes, I couldn’t be more proud of you.  You have the biggest heart and you love your family and friends with everything you have.  I’m a lucky girl to have part of your heart.

Moving to Alabama is bittersweet.  I’m excited for this change, but I’m sad because I have to leave you.  I wish you could come with me, but that’s just not possible.  But one thing is certain – if we can make it through this, we can make it through anything.

My promise to you is simple: when I’m done with my master’s degree, I will come back to Southwest Florida to be with you.  Then I’ll take you home, love you forever, and never leave.

I’m not sure about many things in my life, but for six months I’ve been certain about one thing: you.

I love you with all of my heart, and I’m excited to see what crazy adventures we take together over the next six months.

You’re not just my boyfriend, you’re my best friend.  I love you, Alex.  Forever and always.

xoxo Christina